BURNT CARS — OLD JOJOBA

Please make your selection below ⇩

JOJOBA JUICY BUREAU

Global Warming Drives Burnt Cars to Pack Behavior
Rove Suburbs at Night, Dozens of Homes Destroyed
★★☆☆☆

tips — A severely burned car awaits nightfall beside a damaged home

PUMPICOPYS, OJ — Mad bullshit is waking up all around us. Open your eyes. Shit's in your backyard, people. Cars are out, tearin' it up, scaring babies in the moonlight, and it's waaay too hot to stop now. City officials have warned you not to make eye contact or utter the invocation "Tokyo drift" but you don't listen. Hot mutant cars know what's up – they know where you live and how expensive that new fence is. How will you get to the wine bar once they've dug a moat around your home? You won't. Have a good long cry, yell at your kids and prepare to deal with a scorching pile of centuries-old scrap metal shredding your fresh seed 24/7. Yep, it's going to smell like Lucifer's roasting dank eggs on a tire fire out there till the next Febreeze chemtrail saves us.