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☠ THE CDC HAS ISSUED THE FOLLOWING WARNING: U BETTER STOP DRYING CHEETAH MEAT IN THAT BACK SHED OR UR GONNA GET A NASTY VIRUS. NOT GONNA TELL U AGAIN, SO KNOCK IT OFF ☠

☠ WARNING! THE CDC HAS ISSUED THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT: A group of drunk dads has been spotted confronting their most terrifying fears as they awaken the dark powers of "Naggy Buns", a magical fellow living in a chili-dipped baguette on the outskirts of town. TAKE SHELTER NOW. Not going to tell you again so, KNOCK IT OFF.

× Danger! Indicates a dangerous or potentially negative action.

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BLESSED     UNREST !
Is the world perplexing and just, always there? 


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A Movie in the Park:
Kung Fu Panda


 
 
 



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A severely burned car awaits nightfall beside a damaged home

burntcar

A severely burned car awaits nightfall beside a damaged home



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A shark pauses by a blobby rock, as seen from an unknown location

40-YEAR-OLD ROTTEN SHARK ACHIEVES LIFE GOAL

WASHES ASHORE ON MYSTERIOUS ICE MOON, SCIENTISTS TRACK COURAGEOUS JOURNEY


Here we go again – another baby boomer wannabe steals all the attention from elderly moms with a remarkable bucket list accomplishment. This sick shark kept it trendy and low-cost by burning all possessions that couldn't fit in a cute tote, then made the no-drama, dream journey like a boss. Scientists agree that global warming isn't for everyone, but it is the leading cause of crazy important dream vacays.

Did you know reading the news can LITERALLY save your marriage? Do your hungry marriage a favor and learn about all the stuff tech bundles can stream to your front door, bringing you BIG stories, BIGGER TVs, BIGGER real stuff basically. It's like letting your partner know you're into things like legacies, tech, more tech, ocean trash, or saving a buck here or there. In no time, you'll be base jumping into an UNSTOPPABLE tech abyss, hand-in-hand with that one weird old person you'd love to love but usually just hate.

 
WARNING:
THE FOLLOWING SLORCH IS FOR ILLUSTRATION PURPOSES ONLY.


MONTH OF TRENCH HAG

Wow – this will be a deeply happy or miserable month, like it or not.


DADDY'S ALABAMA HUT


40-YEAR-OLD ROTTEN SHARK ACHIEVES LIFE GOAL

WASHES ASHORE ON MYSTERIOUS ICE MOON, SCIENTISTS TRACK COURAGEOUS JOURNEY

Here we go again – another baby boomer wannabe steals all the attention from elderly moms with a remarkable bucket list accomplishment. This sick shark kept it trendy and low-cost by burning all possessions that couldn't fit in a cute tote, then made the no-drama, dream journey like a boss. Scientists agree that global warming isn't for everyone, but it is the leading cause of crazy important dream vacays.

Paper


UNBELIEVABLE SCRAP BAFFLES SCIENTISTS

WHEN YOU SEE IT YOU'LL BE SHOCKED

You may not see it at first, but when you do, scientists will hate you...

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GLOBAL WARMING DRIVES BURNT CARS TO PACK BEHAVIOR
ROVE SUBURBS AT NIGHT, DOZENS OF HOMES DESTROYED


Mad bullshit is waking up all around us. Open your eyes. Shit's in your backyard people. Cars are out, tearin' it up, scaring babies in the moonlight and it's waaay too hot to stop now. City officials have warned you not to make eye contact or utter the invocation "tokyo drift" but you don't listen. Hot mutant cars know what's up-- they know where you live and they know how expensive that new fence is. How are you even going to get to a wine bar once they've dug a moat around your home? Have a good long cry, yell at your kids and prepare to deal with a scorching pile of centuries-old scrap metal shredding your fresh seed 24/7. Yep, it's going to smell like lucifer is roasting dank eggs on a tire fire till the next febreeze chemtrail saves us.

MAD BULLSHIT IS WAKING UP ALL AROUND US. OPEN YOUR EYES. SHIT'S IN YOUR BACKYARD PEOPLE. CARS ARE OUT, TEARIN' IT UP, SCARING BABIES IN THE MOONLIGHT AND IT'S WAAAY TOO HOT TO STOP NOW. CITY OFFICIALS HAVE WARNED YOU NOT TO MAKE EYE CONTACT OR UTTER THE INVOCATION "TOKYO DRIFT" BUT YOU DON'T LISTEN. HOT MUTANT CARS KNOW WHAT'S UP-- THEY KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE AND THEY KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE THAT NEW FENCE IS. HOW ARE YOU EVEN GOING TO GET TO A WINE BAR ONCE THEY'VE DUG A MOAT AROUND YOUR HOME? HAVE A GOOD LONG CRY, YELL AT YOUR KIDS AND PREPARE TO DEAL WITH A SCORCHING PILE OF CENTURIES-OLD SCRAP METAL SHREDDING YOUR FRESH SEED 24/7. YEP, IT'S GOING TO SMELL LIKE LUCIFER IS ROASTING DANK EGGS ON A TIRE FIRE TILL THE NEXT FEBREEZE CHEMTRAIL SAVES US.

 

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